“if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.  For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.” – Tts 1:6-9 ESV

So please let me encourage you, dad, you are the pastor and spiritual leader of your home whether you know it or not, whether you act like it or not, whether you want to be or not.  God has placed you as the head of your family just as Christ is the head of the church, and there is no greater honor than for Him to trust a wife and children into your stewardship!  You don’t have to be an exegetical master or even a big theologian, but YOU, sir, set the spiritual temperature of your home, not your wife!  The concept is simple enough… it’s the doing it that’s hard!  Believe me, I know!  It requires us to be with God, know Him, learn about Him, and find ways to communicate His goodness to our wives and kids.  It is a great joy and honor and shouldn’t be taken lightly.  Are we striving for the characteristics on this list?

There are multiple resources on this site (and others like it) that will help you in this area.  You can get help with your family devotions by looking through some of the articles we have tagged.  I strongly recommend listening to some of the podcast series that deal with biblical manhood (men as Christians, husbands, & fathers).  “The Image and Glory of God” series by Matt Chandler is one of my favorites and really helped me in my walk as a Christian man!  Also the “Calling Men to Lead” series by Voddie Baucham was a fantastic series.  Above all… seek God, repent, and get to work!

On a side note:  Nowhere in the lists of qualifications for elders/pastors does it ever mention that he must be able to grow a church numerically.  In this culture I believe we place way too much emphasis on a man’s ability to lead/grow a church or business rather than looking into how he is pastoring the “little church” God has already blessed him with.  There are pastors who are biblically unqualified for the position because of the way they manage (or lack there of) their homes, but remain in the pulpit because of charisma or numerical growth.

I can see how easily it would be for this kind of “busyness” to go on for a long time unchecked.  By then your kids are so used to you telling them “no” that they just quit asking.  I refuse to be that dad!  This is where we as men need some help!  Most of us are wired as doers, task finishers, project tamers, goal accomplishers, etc… And in being so we tend to have a bit of a one tracked mind, which works both for and against us.  We need the support of our wives and other godly men that will hold us accountable and call us out when we are neglecting our kids.  My wife does a great job at this.  She is with them all the time, so she can tell when they are in need of more daddy time.  This is one of the areas I would suggest you, as the leader of your home, ask your wife to help you in.  I could overwhelm you with stats off how much better off kids are when the dad is not just there, but active and involved… But I won’t… I don’t have to… Deep down, you know it’s true and right anyway!  You know how great it feels to see them smile just because you took the time to have a tea party, set up train tracks, or put a quilt on top of the couch cushions you so strategically placed in the hall that you could run, do a belly-flop, and slide all the way down the hall without so much as a scratch.

I am so glad that God gives us those little moments that serve as reminders that one of the reasons we were wired this way was so that we would cultivate our family too!  I had several more things to do today at the house after an already long, hot day of work.  My kids had been begging me to swim with them in their new kiddie pool their mom had picked up for them.  I put them off a little while so I could attend to the “all-important” yard work.  When I finally gave in, I placed a big tarp beside the pool to act as kind of a slip and slide.  We all three had so much fun!  I was able to relax and play with them all at the same time.  That’s when God’s little reminder came to me that this is more important than any project list that I had been giving too much time and energy to.

We are called by God to shepherd, instruct, and disciple our children in the ways of the Lord.  But they are just like other people in the world, they need to know you have their best interests at heart before they will really respond to what you try to teach them.  If you don’t spend quality time with your kids, they will find someone who will and that person will own the influence in their lives.  Dad, you are important!

Happy Father’s Day guys!

I believe the problem lies in a couple of areas for men who call themselves followers of Christ yet show no interest in leading their families as the Bible says we are supposed to.

1. They are never confronted with the full truth of what God has called them to as a believer, husband, father, church leader.  No one has ever sat them down and said “Grow up!”  This culture as well as the church has allowed “men” to remain overgrown boys.  That leads to this Peter Pan syndrome, that America is plagued with, where men, married or single, think only of themselves, their toys, and what pleases them most.  I know.  I was one of them.  By God’s grace I am continuing to rise above that selfish, self-centered, tiring lifestyle that I thought was so much fun (lets face it even when you get what you want all the time, it’s still empty).  So part of the problem is a lack of knowledge.  We have lost the art of mentoring in the church today.
2. They are told and shown from the Scriptures what God’s expectations are and never really consider the weight that brings or they consider it too high a price.  They are told we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her (Eph 5:25).  That statement alone is enough to blow your mind!  They are told and shown that it is our responsibility (not our wife’s, not the church’s, not the school’s) to teach the Word to our children (Deut 4:10, 6:7, 11:19).  Side note: They are not “our” children to do with as we please.  They belong to God and He has seen fit to allow us to be a steward over their lives and to raise them the way He says we are to raise them. So you end up with men, when it comes to their families, who are either lazy or apathetic.

Yes it’s a huge task.  Yes it’s hard sometimes.  But, we’re men!  We have no trouble finding the strength to do the other things we really want to do.  If we want to learn a new sport, hobby, job, etc., we pour a ton of time, energy and money into it so we can be the best at it that as possible.  Why do we not treat our families (of infinitely greater value) the same way.  Why do we not spend time, energy, and resources on learning how we can love our wives better or how do we go about teaching our kids the Word and that Jesus loves them more than they will ever know?  A lot of times we are like Jonah.  We see the task, don’t like the terms and bolt the other way.  Jonah bore the weight of his disobedience, but sadly if we don’t do something about our families, they will be the ones to suffer because we didn’t think they were worth the price.

Either live your life on purpose, or life will live you.  Don’t just react to things that happen.  See the things you want to happen in your family, pray that God grant you wisdom, strength, and grace… and then MAKE IT HAPPEN!

You don’t have to be a theologian to read the Bible to your kids.  You don’t have to be Billy Grahm to pray with your wife.  You do need to read your Bible and pray (feed yourself) so you will have something to feed them with.  Everyone runs into a dry season where you’re not focusing on your walk with God and living for Him.  We all have times when we lose the battle to selfishness.  The question is do we struggle with that or do we just roll over?  Repent and get back to what you know is right!  Worship God, live for Him and enjoy the family He has blessed you with.

Our lives should be lived in such a way that if we never even said “Jesus first”, they would know it without a doubt.  By no means am I saying we should be perfect, or our kids shouldn’t be involved in sports or activities, but they should know that if it came down to a decision between the two… God wins!  Otherwise they will be inclined to think that they are the most important thing and that set them on a track to self-absorbed destruction down the road.  We have to be willing to take some tough stands with our kids, even if we lose a few cool points in the process.  Also on a different side of the same coin, as a men and the leaders of our homes, we can’t give our families wisdom and revelation if we are not spending time with the God of the universe who gives it to us.

I’m not saying this to beat up on us guys, but we spend so much time and effort on this website devoted to helping men become the leaders of their homes, that it would be easy to get our focus off of God and on our families.  PLEASE lets be sure that Christ is first in our lives and that our families know it!

It’s really no wonder that the smallest demographic for church attendance is 18-35 year old males.  They are being confused by culture and not pursued by the church, because they may be a little too rough around the edges for our own comfort.  Younger men, such as myself, live in a world that is constantly inundating them with the wrong ideas on manhood:  ‘The more chicks the better’ ‘More money’ ‘More stuff’ ‘Better stuff’ ‘More fun’ ‘No responsibilities’.  I know, I was one of them and battle it everyday still.  So what you end up with is a bunch of over grown boys who don’t know how to commit or lead and a church that is impotent and lacking in solid biblical leadership.  I’m not slamming every church, I love the church, I’m just playing the statistics.  I’m also not slamming women nor am I a sexist.  God has completely created men and women equal (Gen. 1:27, 31; Acts 2:17–18; 8:12; Gal. 3:28; 1 Pet. 3:7), but given us different roles ( 1 Cor. 11:3; Col. 3:18–19; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet. 3:1–7).  I would not be the man I am if God had not sent my beautiful wife into my life!  However, the Bible specifically states that the home and the church were designed to have male leadership or headship.  Contrasting of men’s and women’s biblical roles is for another blog all together though.

It’s time for our young men to step up into the roles they have been called, lovingly leading their families and the church.  Even as you read this some of you are thinking to yourself “That’s right, they need to do something”.  But consider this, how are they to know what to do or how to do it?  I’m still learning every day, but without a loving, supportive, patient, submissive wife, solid biblical teaching, and other men in my life that are willing to pour into me and call me out when I’m wrong… I’m just another overgrown boy.

Our older and or spiritually more mature men need to be doing more in an effort to reach out to a hurting generation of men who really do desire someone to show them what true manhood really is.  Leadership is not rocket science, but it is work… Constant work!  It’s not something we can fully grasp on our own either.  We need each other!  God help us as we try to become the men you have called us to be!