“if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.  For an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.” – Tts 1:6-9 ESV

So please let me encourage you, dad, you are the pastor and spiritual leader of your home whether you know it or not, whether you act like it or not, whether you want to be or not.  God has placed you as the head of your family just as Christ is the head of the church, and there is no greater honor than for Him to trust a wife and children into your stewardship!  You don’t have to be an exegetical master or even a big theologian, but YOU, sir, set the spiritual temperature of your home, not your wife!  The concept is simple enough… it’s the doing it that’s hard!  Believe me, I know!  It requires us to be with God, know Him, learn about Him, and find ways to communicate His goodness to our wives and kids.  It is a great joy and honor and shouldn’t be taken lightly.  Are we striving for the characteristics on this list?

There are multiple resources on this site (and others like it) that will help you in this area.  You can get help with your family devotions by looking through some of the articles we have tagged.  I strongly recommend listening to some of the podcast series that deal with biblical manhood (men as Christians, husbands, & fathers).  “The Image and Glory of God” series by Matt Chandler is one of my favorites and really helped me in my walk as a Christian man!  Also the “Calling Men to Lead” series by Voddie Baucham was a fantastic series.  Above all… seek God, repent, and get to work!

On a side note:  Nowhere in the lists of qualifications for elders/pastors does it ever mention that he must be able to grow a church numerically.  In this culture I believe we place way too much emphasis on a man’s ability to lead/grow a church or business rather than looking into how he is pastoring the “little church” God has already blessed him with.  There are pastors who are biblically unqualified for the position because of the way they manage (or lack there of) their homes, but remain in the pulpit because of charisma or numerical growth.

Paul here is giving Timothy 3 distinct commands that we, as men, can and should apply to our lives because just as Timothy was a pastor and leader in the church, we too are pastors of our homes and leaders in our churches.

1.  Preach the Word – We are to proclaim the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  True, it’s tough for people to listen to us about Jesus when our lives don’t line up with Scripture, but just living it in front of people and hoping they will get saved rarely is the case.  God has chosen to use the medium of preaching to stir people’s hearts.  Preaching here doesn’t mean you have to stand on a table and yell or get up behind a pulpit.  “Preach” means to proclaim… speak it out!  Even if that person doesn’t get saved right then and there, God uses His truth through our words to plant seeds in their lives that others may get to harvest.

2.  Be ready – You never know when the opportunity to preach, share, or correct will come.  I think this effects two aspects of our walk.  First it requires us to be prayerful and in the word on a regular basis so that we are ready to give an answer for the hope we have in Christ.  Secondly it requires us to be looking for those chances God will bring our way.  Both of which are hard if we’re not ready!

3.  Reprove, rebuke, and exhort with complete patience and teaching – The third command is probably the more difficult of the three.  It requires several disciplines: love, patience, and knowledge to discern and correct error.  There are two main ditches people on this road often fall into.  The first shows a cowardly lack of love.  We tend sometimes to overlook certain behaviors or belief systems of others because they may be close to us and we don’t want to push them away or offend them.  I understand this to some degree because this is the ditch I find myself headed toward more times than not.  But the truth of the matter is that this attitude shows that we really do not love that person as we say we do.  If we love someone and want the best for them, then we would want them to get right with God so they can have the most peace and life in Him, and not just standing by watching them drown in their sin!  The other ditch is equally as unloving, but shows itself in pride and arrogance.  These are people who think they have it all together and if someone is doing something different than them, whether it’s sin or not, they’re wrong.  They are God’s spokesperson on Earth and He should be glad they are on his side.  They see what’s wrong, but lack the love and patience.  They correct out of a haughty spirit just so they can be right, not because they care about that person’s spiritual life.  On a side note, if we truly believe that our salvation and sanctification is an act of grace, then taking pride in or ownership of that is the biggest contradiction I’ve ever seen.  We would do well to keep an eye on ourselves to make sure we are avoiding both of these ditches.

The purpose of rebuke and correction is restoration.  We can’t just tell someone they are wrong, we need to teach them why they are wrong from the scriptures, how to repent, and then help them along the way!  The fact is that false teaching is everywhere, whether it is picked up from teachers with impure motives, teachers who mean well but are just wrong, or whether it is an ill-conceived idea or belief someone comes up with on their own.  We are to be prepared (Bible reading, study, prayer, repentance, etc.), to proclaim the truth, and lovingly correct wrong when we see it.

We live in a much different time and culture than that of Paul and Timothy.  Though some modern cultures still physically persecute and even kill Christians, the one we live in isn’t much of a comparison in those regards.  That being said, I believe the promise of 2 Tim 3:12 still holds true.  All who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. Our persecution may or may not be physical, but if there is none, I think we need to ask ourselves why.  If there is no persecution from our culture does that mean that our lives don’t at all differ from our culture?

I’m not saying that you go around picking spiritual fights or declairing jihad on those you disagree with.  But, are we striving, by the grace of Christ through the Holy Spirit, to live a godly life of worship to the Father?  Even living in the “moral” South there is persecution when you try to live your life according to the Bible in stead of the moral, religious traditions of your fathers.  I think it is good that we examine our lives in this way.  Either we are blending into culture so as to “not rock the boat”, or we have surrounded ourselves with only people that believe as we do and therefore are not in the world at all spreading the light of Christ.

I mention all this only because I have had to ask myself the same questions lately.  My prayer is the God lines me up with how He designed the world to operate (as revealed in His Word) and when persecution comes, He gives me the strength and boldness to endure and give an account as to why I hold that belief.

I can see how easily it would be for this kind of “busyness” to go on for a long time unchecked.  By then your kids are so used to you telling them “no” that they just quit asking.  I refuse to be that dad!  This is where we as men need some help!  Most of us are wired as doers, task finishers, project tamers, goal accomplishers, etc… And in being so we tend to have a bit of a one tracked mind, which works both for and against us.  We need the support of our wives and other godly men that will hold us accountable and call us out when we are neglecting our kids.  My wife does a great job at this.  She is with them all the time, so she can tell when they are in need of more daddy time.  This is one of the areas I would suggest you, as the leader of your home, ask your wife to help you in.  I could overwhelm you with stats off how much better off kids are when the dad is not just there, but active and involved… But I won’t… I don’t have to… Deep down, you know it’s true and right anyway!  You know how great it feels to see them smile just because you took the time to have a tea party, set up train tracks, or put a quilt on top of the couch cushions you so strategically placed in the hall that you could run, do a belly-flop, and slide all the way down the hall without so much as a scratch.

I am so glad that God gives us those little moments that serve as reminders that one of the reasons we were wired this way was so that we would cultivate our family too!  I had several more things to do today at the house after an already long, hot day of work.  My kids had been begging me to swim with them in their new kiddie pool their mom had picked up for them.  I put them off a little while so I could attend to the “all-important” yard work.  When I finally gave in, I placed a big tarp beside the pool to act as kind of a slip and slide.  We all three had so much fun!  I was able to relax and play with them all at the same time.  That’s when God’s little reminder came to me that this is more important than any project list that I had been giving too much time and energy to.

We are called by God to shepherd, instruct, and disciple our children in the ways of the Lord.  But they are just like other people in the world, they need to know you have their best interests at heart before they will really respond to what you try to teach them.  If you don’t spend quality time with your kids, they will find someone who will and that person will own the influence in their lives.  Dad, you are important!

Happy Father’s Day guys!

Our lives should be lived in such a way that if we never even said “Jesus first”, they would know it without a doubt.  By no means am I saying we should be perfect, or our kids shouldn’t be involved in sports or activities, but they should know that if it came down to a decision between the two… God wins!  Otherwise they will be inclined to think that they are the most important thing and that set them on a track to self-absorbed destruction down the road.  We have to be willing to take some tough stands with our kids, even if we lose a few cool points in the process.  Also on a different side of the same coin, as a men and the leaders of our homes, we can’t give our families wisdom and revelation if we are not spending time with the God of the universe who gives it to us.

I’m not saying this to beat up on us guys, but we spend so much time and effort on this website devoted to helping men become the leaders of their homes, that it would be easy to get our focus off of God and on our families.  PLEASE lets be sure that Christ is first in our lives and that our families know it!

How many of us when we sit down and have a great time with God end up forgetting most of it by noon?
I want to help us build out a system to help us receive and retain more of what we experience with God.
The Bible shouldn’t be read as a news paper or just another book.  It is a source of life giving revelation and wisdom.
There are three main places I see in the world to get wisdom:
1.    Personal experience. Some would say that the only place to get wisdom is the Bible, but the Bible never told me not to pour gas on a fire…  Unfortunately my personal experience told me that.  Personal experience should never be the only way we receive wisdom because it is limited to our age.  ie. The only way to know what it’s like to be a 30 year old man is to be one.
2.    Other people’s experience.

• This is where we, as evangelicals, tend to make ourselves spiritually impotent.
• We tend to spend our “quiet times” reading daily devotionals.  Where we read 1 or 2 verses at most (sometimes only part of one) then  the author takes 6 or 7 paragraphs to explain his opinion or view of the text.
• That is us living on other people’s fish.
• It’s not bad, it just can’t be primary.
• With technology, a lot of people are listening to preachers all over the country.  And you would be a fool to not take advantage of such great resources, but…
• Again, not bad (solid doctrinal teaching is hard to find), but it can’t be primary.

3.  The God of the universe.

A survey was conducted across all major denominations to those who consistently went to one church.

• Question:  How helpful is the church in your spiritual development?
• Those who had been saved close to a year – “The church is amazing”.  We are learning all we can from whomever we can.
• Those saved six years or more – “The church hardly helps at all”.  Within about six years we go from passionate pursuit of Christ to churchman.  The church as a whole is doing a poor job on teaching it’s members how to study the Bible for themselves and the members are taking no initiative to look into it for themselves.

It has to be our own!

I”m not saying you pull away from everyone and develop some weird wacky theology… talk to others.
We have to find a way for our relationship with God to be truly personal and truly our own.

Tools not Rules. Cheesy rhyme I know, but please don’t think I believe you have to do it like this or you’re doing it wrong.  I’m just stating what works for me.  Though I believe there are a lot of solid principals to be taken form this system.
We are all wired a little differently.  You must find what stirs up your heart for Christ!

Things you will need:

Consistent time and place.

• Day or Night.  Whenever your mind works the best.
• Don;t waste tie looking for a different spot every day.

Bible.

• I like the ESV and other word for word translations.  They take the original Greek and Hebrew and translate them word for word which makes them not quite as poetic or flowing as some others.  But I think thought for thought translations would be fine as long as their not your only translation you read from.
• Easiest act of submission in Christianity. You are telling God you don’t have the answers, but you know He does.  And you are trusting your life to His Word.
• We don’t pursue knowledge just for knowledge’s sake.  Knowledge puffs up.
• Knowing God by J I Packer.  Turning knowledge of God into knowing God.
• There are no excuses.  All of us could spend some time in the Word even if it’s just a couple of verses a day.

Pen and highlighter.

• Certain Scriptures will pop out at you.
• What is making those pop out?  You did ask God to speak to you before you started.
• Reading the Bible says “I want you to speak to me”.
• The pen and highlighter says “I hear you”
• Some might object to writing in your Bible saying that you might get confused and start thinking that God told you to write that and that it’s as important or perfect as the Word.  There is an easy answer to that…  The stuff in ink is me and therefore is subject to change.  If it’s in print… you get the point.

Reading plan.

• A book at a time…
• Don’t have to waste time finding something to read.
• It forces you to think about things you normally would not.
• Don;t be afraid of the tougher texts because they are the ones that push you to dig deeper!

Journal.

• It’s not a diary!  Just write down what God reveals to you in the Word.
• Helps you track yourself.
• The journal says “I want to do something with this”.
• Doesn’t have to be a big expensive deal.

Day planner ( ipod, to-do list, laptop, etc.)

• All of us at some time or another have been trying to focus on God in prayer or Bible and had ten things run through our mind that we need to do that day.
• Don’t waste time doing them or rebuking them.
• Write them on your list and come back to them when you are finished.
• This helps free your mind and relieve that stress and worry so you can spend as much time as needed with God.

20,20,20 Plan(for lack of a better term again).  Remember: tools not rules.  I usually go for about an hour, but the breakdowns sometimes don’t follow this pattern.
20 min. Reading (give or take)  *Pray first.  Not just reading to check off a list.

• Highlight sections that pop out at you.  ½ a verse to a paragraph.
• Notes in Bible.

20 min. Journal.

• Write down one verse you highlighted that stood out most.
• Date, page number, title.
• Write down observations based on the context of the book or chapter.
• Go back and check the cross references and footnotes in your Bible.

20 min. Application & Prayer

• How does this effect my life?
• Avoid ambiguity and be as specific as possible for that day.
• Repent where you are convicted.
• It’s not legalistic to do what the Word says and what the Spirit points out to you.  Especially since you prayed beforehand and asked Him to speak to you!
• Write out your prayer as well.

Lastly share what’s been going on with your spouse or friends.

Romans 5:1-2  “1Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

We know that we are “saved by grace through faith” and that we are justified at salvation.  This verse goes deeper than that.  Since or Because we have been justified by our faith… we have peace with God through Jesus Christ our Lord.  My Justification put God at peace with me.  See I didn’t have anything against God, I wasn’t angry at God or hate Him so there really wasn’t any reason for me to be at peace with God.  But by my actions and because of the sin in my life, the Bible says that I was working against God and I was His enemy and a target for His righteous wrath!

Because I have been justified (as if I had never sinned) through my faith in Christ, the wrath of God toward me was diverted to Jesus on the cross!  So Jesus put God at peace with me!!  Verse 2 goes on to tell us that because of our faith in Jesus, that through Him we have access to the grace that gives us the power to stand (against the devil and our flesh), so can we rejoice in the hope that one day we will be with Him in the glory of God forever!

This book “Romans” blows my mind every time I read it, so I’m so thankful God reveals cool things like this to us every now and then.

It’s really no wonder that the smallest demographic for church attendance is 18-35 year old males.  They are being confused by culture and not pursued by the church, because they may be a little too rough around the edges for our own comfort.  Younger men, such as myself, live in a world that is constantly inundating them with the wrong ideas on manhood:  ‘The more chicks the better’ ‘More money’ ‘More stuff’ ‘Better stuff’ ‘More fun’ ‘No responsibilities’.  I know, I was one of them and battle it everyday still.  So what you end up with is a bunch of over grown boys who don’t know how to commit or lead and a church that is impotent and lacking in solid biblical leadership.  I’m not slamming every church, I love the church, I’m just playing the statistics.  I’m also not slamming women nor am I a sexist.  God has completely created men and women equal (Gen. 1:27, 31; Acts 2:17–18; 8:12; Gal. 3:28; 1 Pet. 3:7), but given us different roles ( 1 Cor. 11:3; Col. 3:18–19; Titus 2:5; 1 Pet. 3:1–7).  I would not be the man I am if God had not sent my beautiful wife into my life!  However, the Bible specifically states that the home and the church were designed to have male leadership or headship.  Contrasting of men’s and women’s biblical roles is for another blog all together though.

It’s time for our young men to step up into the roles they have been called, lovingly leading their families and the church.  Even as you read this some of you are thinking to yourself “That’s right, they need to do something”.  But consider this, how are they to know what to do or how to do it?  I’m still learning every day, but without a loving, supportive, patient, submissive wife, solid biblical teaching, and other men in my life that are willing to pour into me and call me out when I’m wrong… I’m just another overgrown boy.

Our older and or spiritually more mature men need to be doing more in an effort to reach out to a hurting generation of men who really do desire someone to show them what true manhood really is.  Leadership is not rocket science, but it is work… Constant work!  It’s not something we can fully grasp on our own either.  We need each other!  God help us as we try to become the men you have called us to be!